He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize
