I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
