Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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