this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
