I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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