your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
