somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
