There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
