ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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