kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
