in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
