I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Alive.
So much puke
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
