my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish you could order shots online.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
