theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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