my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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