Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
