So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
