having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
