Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
