Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need to calm my uterus...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
