Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
