If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
