Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
