We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
