Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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