remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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