HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
