I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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