The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
