Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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