I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
