Umm I'm too high to move.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
