Will you blow on my dice?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
