Where did you get a picture of my penis
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
COCAINE IS GR8
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
