Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
