I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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