After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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