a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
