anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
