i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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