His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
