I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
