your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
