3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
