White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
