I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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