Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
