I wish I could teleport
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
