I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
