That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
