if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
