we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
