We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
