I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
