omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
