Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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