So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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