So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
